Friday, August 9, 2013 ★ What is life without God.
I recently have been thinking alot like why I cannot feel God's presence and anointing during worship. Is it because I am distracted or I am tired..hmms but I used to worship so much Faith! Like God keeps calling me CGL of 30 and lead guitarist come into His presence and I could feel Him. But I couldn't anymore now. What happened..): Just now when I worship I felt God telling me this verse God is my shield, saving those whose hearts are true and right. (Psalms 7:10 NLT) I think I felt that God was speaking right into me! Like sometimes I think when I do things but heart isn't really true but I do for the sake of doing it..I have so many burden to share.. I really wish that there is one person who can just step or walk into my life, and a person I can be close with and share all my worries and burden with that person! I have always anticipated this but it always didn't happened. Recently in school, I felt so left out and outcasted like when people are talking abt games I don't play I felt lost. I generally don't feel love from people at all. Been doing badly for my studies and failing almost everything, told mum to rest assured but I can sense that she is really worried for me, Ming Jian told me to be inspired first and then go around inspiring others. He even asked me who is my best friend in church..I was really clueless how to answer this question but I just have to face up to the reality that I have no best friends in church. Yes there might be trench buddies but not really friends you always eat close together. In church, people are so competitive to rise up as leaders. I felt that there is no room for me to grow anymore like even there is I will always think that why is this occurring so fast can't everything slow down? I want to learn to become one before I become one before I learn to become one. It feels so empty in church nowadays like people always hangout for integrations but I understand the works behind it so yups I really got used to being outcasted and. It being cared for alr it's even like a daily routine. I might seem very involved in the CG or even hanging out with CG mates but guess what you never know what happens behind the scenes..they made me to take charge of prayer meeting in school every Monday,Wednesday and Friday. I didn't quite wanted to do it but SP How always teaches us to persevere and our harvest will be plentiful. So yeps!
In family, Dad got angry with me yesterday and had a really bad fight with sis sighh..Cousin is just watching. Tried talking to him abt problems but I guessed he is not the person for it. I always hate things that i predicted and it things happened out to be what I exactly predicted. Sometimes banging myself in my heart and ask why are there people who judge,looks down,get jealous,competitive and treat friends as an second option. People who do all this have they put themselves into our shoes and feel how we feel. I am really trying to cut down on guitar but SOM practice log really kills my time for studying. I love my ministry and in anything or everything photography is always my passion. I want to practice it but I don't have time to and always I am inconsistent. I really want to thank Jun Wei for that harsh discipleship on my character on serving. Cedric and Ming Jian on discipling my heart and character too.
Tee Yong for the heart of worship
People like Evonne, Josh,Duy,Matthew,Shong Yan ,Amos,Bianca,Geraldine,
Zuo Ning,Louise,Kek,Miao Guan
,Gerard and Yu Loon are always people who encourages me to dream big and think big and go for my dreams!
These people are priceless in my life. For the rest..maybe we see what you are really in the future before I put my trust in you again.
Sigh been down physically again..falling sick too easily and it always affects me to not study. Gonna change that.
Bible series tmr and SOM gonna give my best for all.
